Cinefantastique Online

Sci-Fi Channel seems to be making a habit out of churning out made-for-television sequels to feature film franchises that should have been dead long ago. Last year they gave us another PUMPKINHEAD movie, subtitled ASHES TO ASHES; earlier this year they followed up with LAKE PLACID 2. Now there are reports of more ANACONDA movies and a sequel to 1999’s BATS.

According to Dread Central, the new bat-film will be titled BATS: HUMAN HARVEST. Lou Diamond Phillips will not return, nor Dinah Meyer. But the real stars were the bats, right? Not really. Believe me, I have not forgotten those ugly little mutant demon creatures from the original film. They looked like rubber props you would buy to decorate your home for Halloween - there was absolutely nothing awesome, sleek, or impressive about them - sure a prerequisite for instilling genuine horror instead of a simple, “Oh, yuck!” response.

The new bat-story has something to do with soldier searching for a terrorist in mountain cave, with the bats acting as a sort of “fly in the ointment” complication. How much you wan to bet they kill some good guys along the way, but in the climactic moment they take out the villain (kind of like Gustav the gator in PRIMEVAL)?

Sci-Fi Channel will air BATS: HUMAN HARVEST on Saturday night, November 10, followed by replays four hours later and on Thursday in prime time.

The news regarding ANACONDAS is much less firm; in fact, it almost sounds like a spoof, so beware. According to Moviehole.Net, there will be two new sequels to ANACONDA (1997), filmed back to back. Apparently, Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube have better things to do, so ANACONDA 3: THE OFFSPRING will David Hasselhoff a a mercenary hired by a millionaire to capture the giant snake, which may hold the key to a cure for a terminal illness. Yes, David Hasselhoff - in a killer snake movie! (Maybe KITT will drive in and save him from the crushing coils of death?)

Not much is known about ANACONDAS 4. I’m thinking that the cross-over potential between the two killer-animal franchises is potential enormous: BATS VS. ANACONDAS. Who will win - the sinister serpents or the flying furballs?